Feelings girl in a chemistry world
In some ways all the
wisdom
you could ever need
you already possess deep down inside you.
Yet access only presents itself through a process,
an excavation
necessitating
collaboration with another
person,
sometimes before you even realize it.
This wisdom is something you share
with each other now,
and whether this collaboration
is your first or your last together
(it can sometimes be one and the same)
or occurs elsewhere, somewhere in the middle,
one thing's for sure:
this process does bond
the two of you for life.
In my view bonds aren't always a good thing though
(l’m thinking here of when gum refuses to separate from the bottom of your shoe)
but often can be
(as in the line of glue tasked with holding the various parts a child's artwork in place)
yet the message most often delivered
these days
is one that discourages us
from assigning value
to what we are told
would be better
understood as
immutable facts of life.
Atoms, molecules, ions,
whatever: all bonding.
What can I do about it?
What difference does it make?
Oh to be a feelings girl in a chemistry world!
On other days, when we attempt to make a move that would require more
energy
than we have to spare -
a move
that is not only an indication of
how big are our hearts
but also the extent of our hubris -
we are caught anew in surprise each time.
This is in part because we refuse to see our limitations
in any way
other than what is at risk of being lost,
therefore making us unable to see
what is simultaneously
on
offer.
Conversely,
as far as our energies go,
we are sometimes also unable to see how much
is still available to us
for the task or living,
because all we can remember is how long its been since
this well (delicate, durable)
has last been replenished.
Energy can neither be created
nor destroyed:
the physics world also finds a way to check the feelings girl.
Biology, ever the opportunist,
sees feelings girl compute betrayal
and swoops in with an attempt to curry favor.
Yet even with talk of hormones
(cheered on by old friend chemistry),
an acknowledgement of what our bodies can inherit
across generations,
and the understanding that without water,
nothing is anything -
feelings girl knows
this still isn't the full picture.
Because the failure here isn't on any one system
to explain the circumstances
but on the very assumption
of an explanation existing in itself.
She refuses to be duped.
As phenomena, feelings are what we are least able
to explain
which in turn means that they are
the last
for which we owe an explanation.
Wisdom, when it's in the pit
of your stomach,
gives very little
and owes even less:
this is wisdom in the form of feeling,
verging on solipsism
valid simply by virtue of existing nevertheless.
But through efforts with one another,
feelings take on wisdom's shape,
a formal evolution.
Legitimacy was never the question
yet that does not stop it from getting asked.
Sovereignty has no place here.
Something form can do however
is offer a layer of protection
for a person,
protection that is otherwise not granted
by individual feelings
alone
even if they are its foundation.
The protection of mutual recognition and understanding.
This is the essence of care then,
and the crux of responsibility,
something we can choose either to accept or refuse:
when it comes to what we can do for one another,
so much is possible.
But from this what follows is
an understanding
Of how much (so much)
it is possible to withhold.
No system can or will hold anything accountable here,
and notions of what one deserves
or what one owes
ultimately cannot withstand
the weight of such pressure.
It is simply a choice
each of us makes
in relation to each other,
and a choice others will make
in relation to us.
Recognize it as immutable fact,
assign it all the values you want,
at the end of the day what's probably going to matter most
is simply,
honestly,
unavoidably: how it feels.
The first draft of this text was posted here in April of 2024.